Single Girl’s Rant..

It Sucks.. really. Let me tell you, I am not exaggerating. The dating game is tough, especially for those who believe in fairy tales and who think their Prince charming will drive up in an SUV (the sedan is a great compromise too).  

It was a fine Friday morning since it was November so the weather was fantastic. I was driving to work and slowly humming a song which I clearly don’t remember well it must one of Sanam Puri’s version of 80s songs because that’s what I listen to when I am driving. Sanam is topping the playlist for the past 3~4 months.

Waiting for the signal to turn green, I saw an SUV pull up on my right. The only thing that was running through my head was please god please let there be a handsome guy driving that thing “I must look at him, he will look at me or ho gayi mushkil and you will become my destiny tu hi meri manzil..” Well, that’s what my mind is singing as I turned my head and, bang, there is a street vendor with a bouquet of roses beckoning me. “Husband ke liye le lo didi”, he asks.   

Can you imagine how infuriated one would be? I still dream for my Mr. perfect and this society is secretly telling me that ‘shadi ki Umar ho gyi hai’. Well, I ignored this heartbreaking incident and went to my office. While I was ranting about my imaginary encounter with a guy which never turns into reality and this Flower wale bhaia incident to my colleagues, one of my friend, who is a regular listener of my one-sided imaginary love stories, took my cell phone and installed a dating app on it and said “Get out of the dreadful single life and start dating”, I was amazed at her prompt action and then we (yeah, we were three of us) started the journey of right and left swiping and meeting.

Trust me this was a really really good experience as I made this account pre-covid time hence dating wasn’t an issue though I only had a couple of months in hand because it was Nov and Covid properly announced its arrival on March 20′ but the kind of mind-wobbling life facts I have learned while spending my time in casually left/ right swiping the profiles, well well it was awesome. I will soon write about a few interesting encounters but till that time listing a few cliches which I have found on almost 87% of wanna be profiles:

• Cuddle expert: Like really are you a dog, or you charge for cuddling on hourly basis da aaa
• Why to write intro, right swipe and get to know me: Dude there are millions of guys over there, matlab sex ratio hi dekh lo. Why would i waste time on some cheecky guy who doesnt even have the ability write two good line about his own self
• One of the guy wrote: “Dont you dare to take cheese cake from my plate” am like dude, its a dating site none here has signed up to learn baking skills
• Don’t know yet: Trust me on this, if you are looking for something serious and thinking that may be you will fall in love with someone whom you will meet on this platform then dont swipe right. There is nothing bad about them but its just the probability factor, most of those who have written ‘looking for a relationship’ are not going to the serious ones so Don’t know yet wale to super niche hai list me
• Then there are those who will write: ‘I put my car keys in fridge’ Kyu bhai kyu, aisa kaun karta hai or kyu, kasam se agar isko date karti to milne se phle key holder send karti ise amazon se

And in between these weirdly written bio’s you will also find some grounded, down to earth yet sassy guys who will be charming enough so that you will look forward to talking to them, to meet them and if not dating then at least you want to be friends on insta. Well if you are interested to know how my dating stories went be then stay tuned. I will share some of the interesting incidents soon. Till then keep swiping, just beware of the above Bio’s. 🙂

I think I am Karna of this generation

Karna’s talent was never acknowledged by society as he wasn’t a Kshatriya hence was not allowed to practise shastra vidya. Though he was the most talented one out of all the Pandavas and Kauravas however her mother never admitted that he is her eldest son as she was scared of the samaj or society. Karna kept on proving himself and his talent time and again in order to get what he deserves but the people around him and the society also kept on defaming him and demeaning his talent. Karna was a strong-headed person he challenged everyone who came in front of him to remind him about his caste and social status and he never feared anyone and at the end he did got what he deserved, His mother acknowledged the fact that he is her own son, Society acknowledged him as a Dhanurdhari, danveer, Maharathi. Karna did make some choices which were not been liked by many, he was been called an opportunist, adamant and stubborn but it was the society who forced him to make such choices in order to obtain the respect that he deserved because of his own talent.

I am a woman, of this world the ‘modern world’. I don’t believe in any Maryada, any gender differentiation. Every day I am striving hard in this society to accept me as an equal gender so that I do not have to follow any specific set of rules so that I do not have to face discrimination. Many will argue that what is stopping you, girls are flying planes, writing books, practicing medicine and doing whatever they want but as per me and the situation I see in an around my circle, on social media, in my neighborhood or at work I can see merely by becoming a pilot things are not changing completely for the entire fraternity.

I feel we are the Karna of this modern world, we have all the qualities to be treated equally as the other gender however just because we are born as a girl we face discrimination in various walks of like, I don’t think I need to quote any example it just require a brain and a pair of eyes or ears to feel the same that how discrimination happens every day around us and we consider it as a normal scenario as it has been happening since ages. Now we are labelled as feminist and some even call us Pseudo feminist as well, this is the phase of Karna’s life when he is a youngster now, he has faced enough discrimination in his childhood but now he is a learned person and is willing to face all the challenges without getting affected by it but he is stubborn to stand up for the right. I ma Karna the Talented one, the Stubborn one, I am Maharathi Karna.

Solitary.. but not lonely

With time I have realised the importance of living alone. How being surrounded by no one but only with your own self, your thoughts, your attributes contributes to your overall personality development and shape your thoughts and the way you perceive things.

I was always been surrounded by friends, roommates, family, colleagues, and who doesn’t like the company your loved ones, so I was loving my time. Due to some changes in my life, job and place for the last 6 months, I was spending most of the time on my own and for the first time in life I enjoyed my own company as well.

I am a very chatty person, those who know me well also know that how much I like to talk, have meaning full conversations, my brother in law always make fun of me by saying only you have the capability to chat with your own self cause you never stop talking and because of my love for chatting, talking I was kind of always scared of being alone.

Earlier I used to skip meals if my office friends were not there, I never liked eating out alone, or while travelling in a cab or metro I had to call my friends or family so as to not to feel lonely, i never liked walking alone, for a small walk to withdraw cash, to buy groceries, or any other activity either i was always on call or was net surfing. Because of being surrounded by someone or the other all the time my thoughts, my perception was not my own, it was always cluttered with the opinions of others.

My decision of staying alone due to changing circumstances has helped me to evolve me as a better person. I am not judging people as per the judgment passed by others, now I have my own perspective, I see things differently, I take my own time to react to any situation, I go for the larger picture than simply passing judgement on what is visible to me. I am not saying one needs to stay alone but we definitely need to spend some time on our own and enjoy our own company and do whatever we like be it reading, watching web series, or not doing anything but just sipping tea or coffee, anything. To conquer the ocean of thoughts that our human brain contains we need to give some me time to this brain and to our lives, Practice Solitude.

Now that timid girl who was not even able to eat alone can travel the world all alone 🙂 But I am waiting for the COVID vaccine to get developed.

We.. The Cursed Generation

Some days back while having a conversation with one of my senior colleague, who was one of the best professional and an equally good homemaker, something hit me hard, while describing what does she thinks about this era she said ‘we are a cursed generation‘ and it made me think if we really are?

Then I thought to pen down my thoughts and life experiences on the matter I think yes, we are The Cursed Generation.

Our one leg is tied with our previous generations and the other one is moving forward to match pace with the transforming world. There is a constant ‘tug of war’ going on between traditional values and modernization though it is for both genders. Let us talk about women first, after all, I am an avid feminist.

We the modern women face this trivia of balancing between a modern or traditional woman daily. The forward-moving leg is alluring us towards the carrier, job, freedom of speech, we are CEOs, astronauts, doctors, fashionista, everything, you name a profession and you will recall the top-notch women of that sector but the other leg which is tied with the traditional values (i don’t know if these are values or the stubbornness of the generation) is pulling us backwards by expecting us to make a balance between home and work. I am not denying the fact that many of us are doing it very well but still, the expectation is only from one gender. We want to do wonders in career and match pace with fast-moving men however we are still struggling to prove that cooking and cleaning are not a gender-based skill but life skill cause to prove this to the world (read men) we need to believe in it ourselves, but we don’t. Many of you will not agree with me, let me ask you- Amidst lockdown when everyone is working from home how many times men of your houses have washed utensils, mopped the floor and even if they did, were they able to consider it as an equal responsibility or they were just helping the women? Think.

Let’s talk a bit about men, they are also moving forward, doing well in career, also many of them are coming forward to share household responsibility as well but still whenever they come in a face-off with the previous generation they start to shy away from all this. They start to behave as if they are permitting their better halves, sisters, they start to feel that they are superior then the other gender and its not their fault they have been raised like this. The traditional values have always taught them men are superior but the modern world tells them they are equal, that’s why poor men don’t know how to handle a woman and maintain balance.

Similarly, we want to choose the partner of our choice and we choose them cause they have certain traits, we find compatibility we feel that in this progressive world we need a person who can gel up well with us in our society but on the other hand, our traditional selves would want that same person to change themselves and become the choice of our parents, then we want them to let go of those traits which we liked earlier. The free-spirited girl will suddenly start looking too modern to adjust to the family.

Somewhere I feel men face more trouble in managing between the two worlds as its all-new for them and its taking their power away while women who have played submissive are happy with the little freedom that they are getting coz its a progress for them (Rolling my eyes)

We encounter this traditional v/s modern tussle in every walk of life. We are career-centric, we want to move to other countries, we want to earn, but on the other hand, we will also worry about our parents, will also want to move back to our cities, town, country because our traditional heart will always have guilt.

We love to celebrate Diwali, burst crackers involve in our traditional practices but we are also concerned about the environment as we are progressive in our approach and thinking about the future. Our traditional values will suggest us to keep our affairs private, but modernisation has made us more social, our day to day life gets updated on social media. We have lost the sense that what is private and what is public anymore. Our heart is always torn in two….but do we have to bear a lot of burdens.

It is not all bad certain things truly bring joy to my heart where traditional and modern values are merging so beautifully. We eat sweets while wearing fit bits, we catch flights after eating a spoon full of curd and sugar, after buying a new Tesla we will still first visit a temple to ‘Phodo’ a coconut.

In all these scenarios I am not defining right from wrong. The question is what to hold on to, what should we let go of to unburden ourselves. Please write in the comments what do you think? also share examples from your life where you feel that a similar tug of war is going on between both worlds.

Regards,

Ms. Awasthi

P.S: Co-Written with other Ms. Awasthi, i.e. elder sister Ms. Smrati Awasthi 🙂

Destiny and Destination

Sometimes I wonder, where everyone is going

Everyone is travelling in that crowded metro, holding bags, lunch boxes, some eyes are happy, some are sad, but they all have hope that they will reach to their destination as they have boarded the right train or metro, I wish decisions and choices in life must have also come with the destination tag

Photo by Wilson Vitorino on Pexels.com

and people wouldn’t have ended up blaming destiny when they reached the wrong unwanted destination in life.

Feel the feeling

That’s the thing about feelings, they can only be felt but can’t be explained.

Distraction

I have often heard people saying to their friends, family who need some healing due to some of their life experiences, situations, that You need a distraction to get over from something. One needs to forget the past and look for the future, develop new hobbies, meet friends, go out, live your life, keep yourself occupied, these distractions will help you.

But why? Why treat all this as a distraction, why not to call that particular thing, person, situation a distraction which was keeping you away from your real self.

If for the sake of keeping yourself busy you have started practising long-forgotten hobby of gardening, or you have started hitting the gym, you are reconnecting with your friends and making plans to see them over the weekend, you are enjoying your glass of wine, you are trying to fix 1 good meal for yourself, or any other thing which you are really enjoying then I am sorry all this is no distraction.

Don’t call it a distraction, this is exactly what you like, these hobbies are the things you always wanted to pursue since your childhood, your friends, your wine, your meal is defining you. The distraction was that particular thing, that person, that experience which was holding you back from all this and feel glad that now you have time to be yourself. because you were so occupied in fixing that distraction you really had no time for your real self and its the vicious circle of distraction that it was keeping you so much occupied that you never realised that what all you are giving up so as to convert the distraction, that difficult situation into an easy one. But now since you have made up your mind and trying to enjoy other aspects of your life, that situation is long forgotten, you are working on your self-development. Ideally, I should not term it working but enjoying, you are enjoying the process, you are grateful to the people around you, you are realising your self-worth and that’s the most important thing to get over from that Distraction.

 

Corporate life – Series

I should have written this around 8 years back when it was happening with me but you know, corporate life, flaunting titles, carrying smart leather bags, makeup, presentations, late sittings, etc. all this was too much to handle, hence completely forgot about all this and got involved in much bigger title battles and forgot about the core which was the initial phase of the corporate life. Hence after a journey of 8 years, I am attempting to try my hand on writing about what all types of fears we go through when we start our corporate life.

Just came out of college, ardent, full of enthusiasm and immense energy who think what the hell is impossible, I can handle anything and everything, I hold the record of making a hybrid engine in my engineering project, or I was the one who got bashed by the seniors all the time still was their personal favourite, then there would be some teachers pet, some Divas, some handsome dude’s who was always been busy in making records in basketball or cricket or in tech fests. Those hands which were quite to swift while chit-chatting on Facebook messenger or on Orkut (I am from 2008-12 batch hence Orkut was the mainstream stay that time) who have begged their parents and actually fooled them to give them laptops (Applicable on B.Tech students, MBA wale to laptop le kar hi Duniya me aate hai I guess) so that they can study and score well are now been awarded with Big desktops and in some cases, laptop is also an option (i was the lucky one, I got one big bulky dell laptop) and those hands which were quite too fast while doing MCQs in the selection tests are now been expected to understand the entire organization structure, departments and work in freaking 3 days only and then on the top of it you have to present the same also to the CEOs and COOs damm. Such injustice no.

But much before that, the frightfulness which we feel when we have to say hi, hello to our peers on the very first day of our corporate job, trust me that’s the worst kind of feeling. The fear of being an extra-ordinary student (yeah.. disclaimer for my college buddies not in marks, percentage but overall), being always very vocal, quick and witty and what if I will fumble, what if I will not be able to hold my handbag properly, should i carry my documents in a plastic folder or that big bulky file with a 3-sided zipper, will that look extra kya?  should I Tie my hair, naaaa I look good with open hair and side parting, Kajal or no kajal, Eyeliner would be perfect and it will look professional. Handshake Karu? it’s a mechanical firm with loads and loads of guys will they get offended if I will offer my hand first. Crazy trail of thoughts you see and it’s not only with girls it’s with guys too, minus the kajal, eyeliner part.

But you know all this anxiety, that adrenaline rush genuinely helps to become more confident and extra careful about our first impression and helps us to improve us. When I see the freshers sometime while interviewing them, or taking induction on their first day of the job when I see that inquisitiveness in the eyes or the round of questions, trust me I love that. because it’s not only the questions, or the nervousness it also shows how serious you are about your role, your job and how much ready you are or you are trying hard to take this new responsibility.

And believe me, there is no need to get afraid of anything, the person sitting on the other side of the table who is welcoming is definitely noticing you, your appearance, your behaviour but if the person is rational and mature they will not Judge you because right in the past they were on that side of the table and there was somebody else sitting on this side who has made them feel comfortable on the very first day of their corporate life. But when I recall all this I feel so good about myself and about my fellow colleagues that how we have cope up from all this and are been able to survive in the corporate life for the past 8 years.

 

To C.M. Uttar Pradesh

25-03-2017

माननीय मुख्य-मंत्री महोदय,

श्री आदित्यनाथ योगी जी,

उत्तर प्रदेश

 

सी. ऍम साहब,

मेरा गावँ लवानी-कला, जिला सफीपुर है. मेरा गावँ अत्यंत ही पिछड़ा हुआ है तथा कोई उचित विकास पिछले कई वर्षो से नहीं हुआ है. मेरे ताऊ जी श्री सतीश चर्द्र अवस्थी ( रिटायर्ड गवर्नमेंट शिक्षक) जब पिछले वर्ष नवरात्री में गावँ में स्थित माता बासौनी के मंदिर के दर्शन करने पहुचे तो उन्होंने देखा के कन्या पूजन हेतु आयी हुई छोटी छोटी लडकिया धूप में बैठ कर प्रशाद खा रही है तथा उनके पाव धूप से जल रहे है. मेरे ताऊ कि अपनी कोई संतान नही है तथा वो बहुत ही कोमल ह्रदय के है, उन्होंने उसी समय संकल्प किया कि  अगली नवरात्री तक वो इन कन्यायो के लिए मंदिर के प्रांगड़ का निर्माड़ कराएंगे ताकि उन कन्यायो को तथा गावँ के अन्य लोगो को सुविधा हो. पूरे गावँ तथा वहाँ कि प्रधान किसी को भी इस कार्य से कोई आपत्ति नही है परंतु एक आदमी जिसका नाम ‘राम किशन’ है जिसके कई गैर कानूनी कामो में नाम है वो तथा उसकी बीवी ‘विमला देवी’ इस मंदिर के निर्मर में बढ़ बन रही है. वो फ्रॉड आदमी एक बार कारतूस भरता पकड़ा गया है तथा एक बार फ़र्ज़ी दस्तावेज बना  के गावँ के पोस्ट मास्टर को हटा  उनकी जगह लेने के प्रयास कर रहा था. इस बार वो मंदिर परिसर कि ज़मीन हथियाना चाह रहा है. मंदिर निर्माड के कार्य आगे नहीं बढ़ पा रहा है. इसकी जाँच स डी म सफीपुर ने लेखपाल को भेज कर करायी थी तब लेख पाल ने बताया था की मंदिर पे या उसके आस पास की जमींन पर विमला देवी तथा उसके पति राम किशन राठौर का कोई हक़ नहीं है

उसके बाद भी  S.D.M सफीपुर ने चुनाव हो जाने तक काम बंद रखने का आदेश दिया पर अब चुनाव हो जाने के बाद भी  कोई अता पता नहीं है. उस आदमी के खिलाफ कोई उचित कार्यवाही नहीं की जा रही ना हि हमे मंदिर बनाने कि अनुमति दी जा रही है. आपसे निवेदन है कि सीनियर अधिकारी भेज कर इस मामले कि जाँच कराये तथा हमारी मदद करे.

 

प्रार्थिनी,

प्रेरणा अवस्थी

08586970215

सतीश चंद्र अवस्थी

09452950715

Hey…I am here

In loving memory of a friend who is not with us, but I pray wherever she is, she must be happy and in peace.. there is much more to write but i i am not strong enough to pen down all my thoughts.. Miss you.

Hey…I am here. Can you hear me? What is wrong with you all? I am shouting, crying and no one gives a respond. I think it’s “Déjà Vu“ when the strange feeling occurs, it seems to spark the memory of a place, person or an act, we have already faced. My body is paining, my heart is beating 10 times louder and faster. I do not have the energy to move, not even an inch! What is wrong with me? There are people all around me but they all are strangers. I am not able to find anyone known to me. Someone is talking on the phone, that too very loudly and suddenly I hear my name but from the person on the other side of that call. I start following this person thinking that he might be on a call with my friend, but I would not tell him that I am the same girl about whom he is talking on the phone, as being a girl I ought not to trust the strangers that easily, it’s really unsafe. I have followed him for good 2.5 km. I am feeling tired now. There is a bench and I decide to sit and relax for 5 minutes. There I see my brother, I am surprised how come he is here, he is supposed to be at home and then I realize where I am, I am at this beautiful hill station.. Oh my god what is wrong with me, I am out for a vacation with my friends. Damn how can I forget this, where are they? I shout my brother’s name, but he doesn’t respond. May be, he is angry with me because I did not ask him to join us for the trip. Nevermind, he is my brother, I know how to make up for this but where are my friends? Something is really strange at this place. What is this feeling? everyone’s voice echoes, car’s horns sound like 10 trucks are honking at the same time, each and every nerve of my body is making a different sound. Something is definitely wrong with the weather and the people here, or with my body, each and every limb of my body is in the pain, I think I should sleep.   After 2 hours: Oh I’ve slept for a good time, feeling better but my friends, they must be worried. I should go and meet them. My brother is standing at the distance of some 5 meters. He is looking really disturbed and tensed but he is like this only, always anxious. Hey, wait, my friends, they are also there with him, but they all are looking so tensed, I can clearly listen to them talking about me. Why is my roommate shedding out the tears? Is everything all right? Is her hand fractured? Oh that night.. That accident, that’s why my body is behaving a little different but I don’t think that I have got any major injury, they are also looking fine except for my roommate’s fractured hand, but they all are looking exhausted and so am I. Thankfully there is no major tragedy otherwise that accident was really horrible. But who is that, is someone died? Whose body is this? That must be some fellow passenger. Why is my brother taking up that body with him? Oh wait Bhai I am also coming where are you going, airport? Wait my flight is scheduled for the next day. Bhai, I will also come with you, I am terribly missing mummy and papa. At the airport: I think he is really furious on me, I am sitting right next to him but he does not speak to me, wait, who is this? No that’s me, that person is me! But I am here! Bhai, tell me Bhai! Where are you going? What are you saying, why are you writing my name at the place of deceased relative, I am here right in front of you, take me along. I will come with you in the flight. I will hide under this coffin you are carrying. 7 Hours 30 mins later: Mummy papa, I am home. All my relatives are here. I am looking too bad and dirty. Maybe I should change, mumma! please listen, talk to me! Papa, why is mumma behaving like this? Bhai it’s enough now, look at me! What is wrong with you all? I am not in this situation to run after all of you, please I am feeling too weak.  “She was a very lively girl, always cheerful, that’s ok don’t cry it was bound to happen“ Now that coffin is gone, we Hindus don’t use coffin to cremate a dead person. And I have realized that I am the dead person. My mother is crying, everyone is trying to console my family. I also want to go and talk to them. I want to express my love for them. I am crying shouting loud but my voice doesn’t reach them, I want to tell them that they are world to me. They should not cry, as I am here with them and will always be! Tired and exhausted I am shrinking myself in the corner, pressed onto the wall. They don’t even know that I am present here, among all. I run up to look for my friends, they all are crying, they all are upset. I beg to the functions of life and environment that I don’t want to leave this place, I want to stay here with my family, with my friends, but Iguess, it’s the time. I have to go! Now I can re-call everything. My entire life flashes in front of me. My home, my brother, school, that rickshaw wale bhaia, my friends, that mithai wala shop n pan gillori, my college, studies, first job, shopping sessions, roommates, colleagues… memories. I am here, the light is dark and the darkness is bright, have never had this feeling before. Feeling lite like air, no hatred, no agony, no anger, its all peace. I am able to see my parents, friends, colleagues they are discussing about me, some are upset, some are recalling good memories, some are thinking why they were not there with my during my last moments and I am here smiling and thinking about what all I have achieved, those sad faced, those tears it was their love for me. It has been a year. My mother still cries every day, papa weeps silently. Bhai tries to stay strong in front of them but I know he misses me terribly and so do I. My friends, they avoid taking my name, thinking that the other ones might get sad. I can feel how my absence has altered their lives. Somehow, everyone is trying to cope up with the situation. I wish they all move on in their lives but a part of me wants them to miss me. it is their love that works as the support system for me, on this other side of the world. Miss you all… Love Tc.    In loving memory of a friend who is not with us, but I pray wherever she is, she must be happy and in peace. She was vibrant and lively. She lived her life the way she wanted, her life made us realize that love and memories are the only thing one should look forward to, no differences are life long. Live, love, relax, enjoy… be happy and be safe.. And yes we miss you. We still miss you.Most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.. Love TC.