Single Girl’s Rant..

It Sucks.. really. Let me tell you, I am not exaggerating. The dating game is tough, especially for those who believe in fairy tales and who think their Prince charming will drive up in an SUV (the sedan is a great compromise too).  

It was a fine Friday morning since it was November so the weather was fantastic. I was driving to work and slowly humming a song which I clearly don’t remember well it must one of Sanam Puri’s version of 80s songs because that’s what I listen to when I am driving. Sanam is topping the playlist for the past 3~4 months.

Waiting for the signal to turn green, I saw an SUV pull up on my right. The only thing that was running through my head was please god please let there be a handsome guy driving that thing “I must look at him, he will look at me or ho gayi mushkil and you will become my destiny tu hi meri manzil..” Well, that’s what my mind is singing as I turned my head and, bang, there is a street vendor with a bouquet of roses beckoning me. “Husband ke liye le lo didi”, he asks.   

Can you imagine how infuriated one would be? I still dream for my Mr. perfect and this society is secretly telling me that ‘shadi ki Umar ho gyi hai’. Well, I ignored this heartbreaking incident and went to my office. While I was ranting about my imaginary encounter with a guy which never turns into reality and this Flower wale bhaia incident to my colleagues, one of my friend, who is a regular listener of my one-sided imaginary love stories, took my cell phone and installed a dating app on it and said “Get out of the dreadful single life and start dating”, I was amazed at her prompt action and then we (yeah, we were three of us) started the journey of right and left swiping and meeting.

Trust me this was a really really good experience as I made this account pre-covid time hence dating wasn’t an issue though I only had a couple of months in hand because it was Nov and Covid properly announced its arrival on March 20′ but the kind of mind-wobbling life facts I have learned while spending my time in casually left/ right swiping the profiles, well well it was awesome. I will soon write about a few interesting encounters but till that time listing a few cliches which I have found on almost 87% of wanna be profiles:

• Cuddle expert: Like really are you a dog, or you charge for cuddling on hourly basis da aaa
• Why to write intro, right swipe and get to know me: Dude there are millions of guys over there, matlab sex ratio hi dekh lo. Why would i waste time on some cheecky guy who doesnt even have the ability write two good line about his own self
• One of the guy wrote: “Dont you dare to take cheese cake from my plate” am like dude, its a dating site none here has signed up to learn baking skills
• Don’t know yet: Trust me on this, if you are looking for something serious and thinking that may be you will fall in love with someone whom you will meet on this platform then dont swipe right. There is nothing bad about them but its just the probability factor, most of those who have written ‘looking for a relationship’ are not going to the serious ones so Don’t know yet wale to super niche hai list me
• Then there are those who will write: ‘I put my car keys in fridge’ Kyu bhai kyu, aisa kaun karta hai or kyu, kasam se agar isko date karti to milne se phle key holder send karti ise amazon se

And in between these weirdly written bio’s you will also find some grounded, down to earth yet sassy guys who will be charming enough so that you will look forward to talking to them, to meet them and if not dating then at least you want to be friends on insta. Well if you are interested to know how my dating stories went be then stay tuned. I will share some of the interesting incidents soon. Till then keep swiping, just beware of the above Bio’s. 🙂

I think I am Karna of this generation

Karna’s talent was never acknowledged by society as he wasn’t a Kshatriya hence was not allowed to practise shastra vidya. Though he was the most talented one out of all the Pandavas and Kauravas however her mother never admitted that he is her eldest son as she was scared of the samaj or society. Karna kept on proving himself and his talent time and again in order to get what he deserves but the people around him and the society also kept on defaming him and demeaning his talent. Karna was a strong-headed person he challenged everyone who came in front of him to remind him about his caste and social status and he never feared anyone and at the end he did got what he deserved, His mother acknowledged the fact that he is her own son, Society acknowledged him as a Dhanurdhari, danveer, Maharathi. Karna did make some choices which were not been liked by many, he was been called an opportunist, adamant and stubborn but it was the society who forced him to make such choices in order to obtain the respect that he deserved because of his own talent.

I am a woman, of this world the ‘modern world’. I don’t believe in any Maryada, any gender differentiation. Every day I am striving hard in this society to accept me as an equal gender so that I do not have to follow any specific set of rules so that I do not have to face discrimination. Many will argue that what is stopping you, girls are flying planes, writing books, practicing medicine and doing whatever they want but as per me and the situation I see in an around my circle, on social media, in my neighborhood or at work I can see merely by becoming a pilot things are not changing completely for the entire fraternity.

I feel we are the Karna of this modern world, we have all the qualities to be treated equally as the other gender however just because we are born as a girl we face discrimination in various walks of like, I don’t think I need to quote any example it just require a brain and a pair of eyes or ears to feel the same that how discrimination happens every day around us and we consider it as a normal scenario as it has been happening since ages. Now we are labelled as feminist and some even call us Pseudo feminist as well, this is the phase of Karna’s life when he is a youngster now, he has faced enough discrimination in his childhood but now he is a learned person and is willing to face all the challenges without getting affected by it but he is stubborn to stand up for the right. I ma Karna the Talented one, the Stubborn one, I am Maharathi Karna.

Solitary.. but not lonely

With time I have realised the importance of living alone. How being surrounded by no one but only with your own self, your thoughts, your attributes contributes to your overall personality development and shape your thoughts and the way you perceive things.

I was always been surrounded by friends, roommates, family, colleagues, and who doesn’t like the company your loved ones, so I was loving my time. Due to some changes in my life, job and place for the last 6 months, I was spending most of the time on my own and for the first time in life I enjoyed my own company as well.

I am a very chatty person, those who know me well also know that how much I like to talk, have meaning full conversations, my brother in law always make fun of me by saying only you have the capability to chat with your own self cause you never stop talking and because of my love for chatting, talking I was kind of always scared of being alone.

Earlier I used to skip meals if my office friends were not there, I never liked eating out alone, or while travelling in a cab or metro I had to call my friends or family so as to not to feel lonely, i never liked walking alone, for a small walk to withdraw cash, to buy groceries, or any other activity either i was always on call or was net surfing. Because of being surrounded by someone or the other all the time my thoughts, my perception was not my own, it was always cluttered with the opinions of others.

My decision of staying alone due to changing circumstances has helped me to evolve me as a better person. I am not judging people as per the judgment passed by others, now I have my own perspective, I see things differently, I take my own time to react to any situation, I go for the larger picture than simply passing judgement on what is visible to me. I am not saying one needs to stay alone but we definitely need to spend some time on our own and enjoy our own company and do whatever we like be it reading, watching web series, or not doing anything but just sipping tea or coffee, anything. To conquer the ocean of thoughts that our human brain contains we need to give some me time to this brain and to our lives, Practice Solitude.

Now that timid girl who was not even able to eat alone can travel the world all alone 🙂 But I am waiting for the COVID vaccine to get developed.

We.. The Cursed Generation

Some days back while having a conversation with one of my senior colleague, who was one of the best professional and an equally good homemaker, something hit me hard, while describing what does she thinks about this era she said ‘we are a cursed generation‘ and it made me think if we really are?

Then I thought to pen down my thoughts and life experiences on the matter I think yes, we are The Cursed Generation.

Our one leg is tied with our previous generations and the other one is moving forward to match pace with the transforming world. There is a constant ‘tug of war’ going on between traditional values and modernization though it is for both genders. Let us talk about women first, after all, I am an avid feminist.

We the modern women face this trivia of balancing between a modern or traditional woman daily. The forward-moving leg is alluring us towards the carrier, job, freedom of speech, we are CEOs, astronauts, doctors, fashionista, everything, you name a profession and you will recall the top-notch women of that sector but the other leg which is tied with the traditional values (i don’t know if these are values or the stubbornness of the generation) is pulling us backwards by expecting us to make a balance between home and work. I am not denying the fact that many of us are doing it very well but still, the expectation is only from one gender. We want to do wonders in career and match pace with fast-moving men however we are still struggling to prove that cooking and cleaning are not a gender-based skill but life skill cause to prove this to the world (read men) we need to believe in it ourselves, but we don’t. Many of you will not agree with me, let me ask you- Amidst lockdown when everyone is working from home how many times men of your houses have washed utensils, mopped the floor and even if they did, were they able to consider it as an equal responsibility or they were just helping the women? Think.

Let’s talk a bit about men, they are also moving forward, doing well in career, also many of them are coming forward to share household responsibility as well but still whenever they come in a face-off with the previous generation they start to shy away from all this. They start to behave as if they are permitting their better halves, sisters, they start to feel that they are superior then the other gender and its not their fault they have been raised like this. The traditional values have always taught them men are superior but the modern world tells them they are equal, that’s why poor men don’t know how to handle a woman and maintain balance.

Similarly, we want to choose the partner of our choice and we choose them cause they have certain traits, we find compatibility we feel that in this progressive world we need a person who can gel up well with us in our society but on the other hand, our traditional selves would want that same person to change themselves and become the choice of our parents, then we want them to let go of those traits which we liked earlier. The free-spirited girl will suddenly start looking too modern to adjust to the family.

Somewhere I feel men face more trouble in managing between the two worlds as its all-new for them and its taking their power away while women who have played submissive are happy with the little freedom that they are getting coz its a progress for them (Rolling my eyes)

We encounter this traditional v/s modern tussle in every walk of life. We are career-centric, we want to move to other countries, we want to earn, but on the other hand, we will also worry about our parents, will also want to move back to our cities, town, country because our traditional heart will always have guilt.

We love to celebrate Diwali, burst crackers involve in our traditional practices but we are also concerned about the environment as we are progressive in our approach and thinking about the future. Our traditional values will suggest us to keep our affairs private, but modernisation has made us more social, our day to day life gets updated on social media. We have lost the sense that what is private and what is public anymore. Our heart is always torn in two….but do we have to bear a lot of burdens.

It is not all bad certain things truly bring joy to my heart where traditional and modern values are merging so beautifully. We eat sweets while wearing fit bits, we catch flights after eating a spoon full of curd and sugar, after buying a new Tesla we will still first visit a temple to ‘Phodo’ a coconut.

In all these scenarios I am not defining right from wrong. The question is what to hold on to, what should we let go of to unburden ourselves. Please write in the comments what do you think? also share examples from your life where you feel that a similar tug of war is going on between both worlds.

Regards,

Ms. Awasthi

P.S: Co-Written with other Ms. Awasthi, i.e. elder sister Ms. Smrati Awasthi 🙂

Strong Women by Choice

I recently read the headline of a post which says, everyone, want women empowerment and like strong women, unless they meet one and believe me I instantly wrote yes, without even reading the same in-depth. Many of my colleagues, friends, family members feel that I am a really strong woman who is breaking the stereotypes by my professions, habits, hobbies, lifestyle etc. But I disagree with that. It’s not just the profession or the way you conduct yourself makes you strong but it’s also the society that plays an important part by accepting a woman the way she is. Accept her the way she is without judging. I am not saying that we are perfect and I do agree that everyone must improve but expecting that improvement to be of a certain way or tagging all girls with some criteria is not justice.

I always wonder why female bosses are stereotyped as bossy and aggressive, why people say that it’s difficult to work if your manager is a female. For that matter even if you are an individual contributor with the brain of your own and opinions you will be tagged as Rude, aggressive, not friendly etc. When people are ready to accept that there is a difference in the basic nature of men and women that’s why there are books like ‘Women from Venus and men from mars‘ then how can you expect that a female manager and a male manager will have a similar response or reactions towards a situation. Let me tell you I am speaking from my experience that if we will not be aggressive, opinionated and will just keep on saying yes to everything then no one will take us seriously and why are we expected to say yes and not to have our own opinions.

I carry a stern face at my workplace though I was the chirpiest one when I was in college now I don’t mind if someone will call me aggressive, or full of attitude or rude. There was a time when I use to care about it and use to talk politely but then I realised it’s better to be tagged as rude instead of letting people take advantage of your nature by delaying the work and later on putting the blame back on you by saying females are not good managers. But that doesn’t mean that I am not friendly with my colleagues I also enjoy tea breaks, random gossip etc. but one has to define boundaries between work ethics and friendly behaviour especially when you are women who have been continuously judged.

Trust me it’s not easy to be a strong woman, you will be judged every now and then, just because you have opinions, you stay by what you say, you cannot get persuaded easily and you have your way to manage your task, team, home and life. I don’t understand what’s wrong in that? We all have grown up looking at these qualities only. Be it our father, mother, elders, teachers etc. Did your teacher got persuaded by your crying face when you need that 1 extra mark to compete with your classmate, was your parents reacted normally on the habits which they disliked in you then when a boss is correcting you who has been grown up learning not to adjust or let go then how come she is aggressive or bossy or rude?

I am not a strong woman, but I want to become one. I still care for the society before saying anything, I still face criticism, on many occasions, I lie about my preferences because of the fear that others will judge me. I am not a strong one but I am walking on the path to becoming one. As it goes by the saying, change comes from within hence I thought to pick 3~4 topics/ incidences and will be working on my reaction to those situations rather than expecting the other person to change themselves.

Life in a metro: Don’t stare upon us when I enter a crowded metro compartment with a stern face, don’t expect me to be apologetic as I am travelling in a general compartment not the ladies one (dude udhar pair rakhne ki bhi jagah nhi hai) I am not expecting you to offer me your seat neither your hand, I know how to stand still but you also please be gracious and say ‘Excuse me’ (the most exploited word of English language after sorry) instead of pushing me when you have to step out. And please don’t be judgemental. Office to hume bhi Jana hai na, late to hum bhi ho rahe hai to crowd me aenge hi.

Office meeting: Yes, of course, let’s do this, what’s the deadline, common words right. Sorry, I don’t think I have the bandwidth to do this, I have tried it but this doesn’t seem to be working, I am running 10 minutes late, please consider these words also to be normal when coming out of a women’s mouth. We are also a human being and yes we do complete things and work but sometimes it’s not feasible and we need help. With help, I don’t mean that we are playing the victim card always. Same goes for disagreement on any topic. If we are not agreeing and we have our reasons please don’t push that bad. A woman sitting in the same room is also well educated and must have got relevant experience just because she is outnumbered and not in majority doesn’t mean that she is not rational or logical

Chay, Sutta and Makeup: Yes I like to discuss lipstick, brand, colour shade, my handbag, etc. with my colleagues. Please don’t judge me when I apply lipstick in public that’s my choice and I feel I like to look good throughout the day. Don’t you also do the same when you discuss the Sutta break saying damn there is lot of work I need some fresh air, or you ask your office pals to take a sutta break, your chay pe charcha and stuff, don’t you brag when you wear that special Louise Phillip 3 piece suit for the office meeting? It’s not my fault that I dress up well everyday and hence have got to discuss the same with my hive while you rarely get this chance. And please don’t judge when we are also discussing sutta, that’s our choice, isn’t it?

I drink, no I don’t, Yes, I like Whiskey: So… so what. recently one of my colleagues was talking rudely to his wife because she took a sip of whiskey from my glass. Dude, it’s just whiskey it’s not tagging your partner as a bewda or bewdi.. how come Vodka and wine are acceptable but not Whiskey or scotch. Believe me, till last year at many occasions, office parties I use to say that I don’t drink because I did not have the courage to face those judgmental eyes who will pass on their judgement much before the Supreme court will pass on the judgement on the Nirbhaya case, so one flip due to high heels and I am gone, I will be tagged as ‘chadh gayi hai madam ko’. I also witnessed another incident where my friend who used to buy liquor for his girlfriend who is now living in some other country was saying to her that now you will not drink alcohol if I am not with you. I was like what….. I was so surprised, that female is 29 years old, well raised, strong-headed female, doing excel in her career is now getting orders from her would-be husband because the guy is insecure that whether she would be able to handle herself or not.

These are some of the small incidences which I have mentioned here. I am not saying that travelling in the metro, preferring scotch over wine or discussing lipstick is gonna make anyone strong but it’s the opinion that matters. One has to be opinionated to be strong; one should have the freedom to choose, opt and live by their choice or to change their choice if they don’t like it. It should come from within. You can’t expect women to be strong and then you will keep on judging them.

 

P.S: I have always been surrounded by strong women in my life be it my mother, sister, aunts or my grandmother, soon will also write about my upbringing and how these strong ladies of my life have enhanced my self-development.

Life and U-Turn

One thing I realised quite late, Life can take a U-turn right before you were about to reach the destination but U-Turn is not always the end it can also be the beginning for a more beautiful journey and destination as well.

Little Paws

These little paws, when they move on the wet floor they don’t only leave their impression but also tiny tiny memories.

When they crawl on me while I am sleeping so as to get inside the quilt, its the best feeling of the world.

Destiny and Destination

Sometimes I wonder, where everyone is going

Everyone is travelling in that crowded metro, holding bags, lunch boxes, some eyes are happy, some are sad, but they all have hope that they will reach to their destination as they have boarded the right train or metro, I wish decisions and choices in life must have also come with the destination tag

Photo by Wilson Vitorino on Pexels.com

and people wouldn’t have ended up blaming destiny when they reached the wrong unwanted destination in life.

Feel the feeling

That’s the thing about feelings, they can only be felt but can’t be explained.

Distraction

I have often heard people saying to their friends, family who need some healing due to some of their life experiences, situations, that You need a distraction to get over from something. One needs to forget the past and look for the future, develop new hobbies, meet friends, go out, live your life, keep yourself occupied, these distractions will help you.

But why? Why treat all this as a distraction, why not to call that particular thing, person, situation a distraction which was keeping you away from your real self.

If for the sake of keeping yourself busy you have started practising long-forgotten hobby of gardening, or you have started hitting the gym, you are reconnecting with your friends and making plans to see them over the weekend, you are enjoying your glass of wine, you are trying to fix 1 good meal for yourself, or any other thing which you are really enjoying then I am sorry all this is no distraction.

Don’t call it a distraction, this is exactly what you like, these hobbies are the things you always wanted to pursue since your childhood, your friends, your wine, your meal is defining you. The distraction was that particular thing, that person, that experience which was holding you back from all this and feel glad that now you have time to be yourself. because you were so occupied in fixing that distraction you really had no time for your real self and its the vicious circle of distraction that it was keeping you so much occupied that you never realised that what all you are giving up so as to convert the distraction, that difficult situation into an easy one. But now since you have made up your mind and trying to enjoy other aspects of your life, that situation is long forgotten, you are working on your self-development. Ideally, I should not term it working but enjoying, you are enjoying the process, you are grateful to the people around you, you are realising your self-worth and that’s the most important thing to get over from that Distraction.